The Wingnut Show - Ep. 2 - I have a hidden talent!
by Kala Mekiv
Summary: This is a fic I'm working on with ChibiChibi-chan, and it was my turn to post the chapter! Wing and her audience discover the Gundam Pilot's hidden talents... X.x Please review!


The Wingnut Show: Episode 2 - I have a hidden talent!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Gundam Wing, Sailormoon, or Dragonball characters used in this story, even though Chibi wishes she owned Duo Maxwell and Trunks, and I want to own Heero Yuy (sooo bad, by the way.... :P). Yes, Chibi and I *are* sisters, and I'm still trying to figure out how *that* is possible.... (Hah! Bet you never woulda guessed in a million years, eh?) Well, anyway, on with the story!  
Note: If you thought that  Heero Yuy, Seventh Grade Teacher? was "deranged" *cough*IlyaKipnis*cough*, then please spare me and Chibi the flame and don't read this. :P  
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Recap of last episode: We found out that the Gundam pilots were all gay and cheating on one another, as well as on their wives. Later, Wing found out that it was a crock of BS and that everyone from GW was following some kind of script that Chibi had given them before the taping of the show.

Wingnut is backstage, getting herself ready for the next episode's taping, when she receives a call from the producer of the show. She gets off the chair that's next to the makeup table thing and answers it.

Wing: Moshi moshi?  
Producer: Wing! That first show you did was **excellent**! The crowd wants more, my dear! I hope this next episode's even better than the first!  
Wing: Nani!? But I thought people HATED this show and wanted it taken off the air...  
Producer: Are you crazy? Your ratings were off the charts after just ONE episode! You and that Chubby girl are one great team!   
Wing: *sweatdrops* Um...her name's "Chibi", sir...  
Producer: Eh...Chubby, Chibi...whatever! Well, I guess you have to be going, Wing, since the next taping of the show is coming up!  
Wing: *dazed and confused* Uh yeah...ja ne, Tomoe-kun. *hangs up the phone* What the hell is Chibi telling the Gundam boys and girls to do in that damn script of hers?

Meanwhile, in the parking lot to Crackhead Productions, Chibi is talking to all of the major characters of Gundam Wing, and handing them 'the script'. 

Chibi: Remember, follow the script!  
Duo: *studies the script* You want me to do WHAT? Oh hell no, Chibi....  
Chibi: Duo-chan! Please! For me? *looks at him with really kawaii puppy-dog eyes*  
Duo: ...*sighs* Ok, Chibi...  
Chibi: *hugs Duo tightly* Arigatou, Duo-chan! I love you!  
Duo: Hehe..of course you do, I *am* the God of Death, you know!  
Heero: *looks at the script next* WHAT? I don't think so...  
Relena: *looks to see what Heero has to do....* Oh, but Hee-chan...please?  
Heero: There is no way in hell I'm doing this...  
Relena: Do it...or you're sleeping on the couch for a month!  
Heero: Ok...  
Chibi: *glancing at her watch* Ok, guys! It's time to go in! You know Wing's gonna spend like 15 minutes talking crap, so you can use that time to study the script I gave you. Have fun! *runs inside*

Of course, the happy little Gundam Wing group follows her inside, discussing 'the script' Chibi had just given them...

Wufei: I REFUSE TO DO WHAT THAT WEAK ONNAKO SAYS!  
Duo: Maybe you *should* do it! Let me see your script!  
Wufei: Hell no, Maxwell! Let me see _yours_ first!  
Duo: Ok! *hands over his script to Wufei*  
Wufei: *reads it* WHAT? You have the good parts!  
Trowa: *while reading his script* Well, duh...look who wrote it, one of his rabid fans.  
Duo: What can I say? EVERYONE loves Shinigami!  
Heero, Trowa, and Wufei: We *don't*!  
Duo: You guys are sore losers, plus you don't count in my definition of 'everyone'!  
Quatre: *turning pale after reading his script* Um...I don't think I can do this...  
Duo: Whatcha gotta do, Quatre?  
Quatre: Uh...nothing...*hides script behind him*  
Duo: Oh, come on! Please?  
Dorothy: Leave him alone, he obviously doesn't want to tell you!  
Duo: AHH! *Runs away from Dorothy*  
Everyone else: ...  
Wufei: Maxwell is weak...

The Gundam Wing Group continues to read their scripts and laugh at what they have to do until a stage hand comes up to them and tells them to get ready. While all of them are busy trying to hide their 'scripts', Wing is in her dressing room, downing some rum and vodka. (Hey, she needs it to prepare herself for whatever Chibi's decided to do...)

Stage Hand: Um...Miss Wingnut, it's time for you to get out there.  
Wing: *sarcastically* Joy...I can't wait...  
Chibi: *sticks her head into her room* Ganbatte, onee-san!  
Wing: *gives Chibi her version of the Heero Yuy Death Glare* What are you making the Gundam pilots do today?  
Chibi: I can't tell you! *runs like a bat out of hell*  
Wing: *sighs* I guess I better go find out...

Insert "The Wingnut Show" opening scene from Episode 1, I'm too lazy to type it out again...

Wing: *facing the camera* Konnichiwa, minna! Welcome to today's exciting episode of The Wingnut Show! Today's exciting topic is "I Have a Hidden Talent!" "I have a Hidden Talent?" What the hell, Chibi?  
Chibi: *off-camera* Just do it!  
Wing: *glares at Chibi* What the hell do you think this is, a Nike commerical?  
Chibi: *sticks tongue out* Shut up and follow the cue cards!  
Wing: ... Anyways! Let's welcome our first guest...Duo Maxwell-who-hopefully-will-not-run-out-onstage-naked!  
Duo: *from backstage* Well, Wing, if you **really** want me to...  
Wing: *sweatdrops* Please spare me, I'm still recovering from the last time...  
Chibi: Yeah! DO IT!

Again, we see Duo Maxwell run across the stage butt naked, grinning at the camera. Wing turns around and nearly pukes, but changes her mind when she notices that the camera is pointing at **her**. 

Wing: Oh god...  
Chibi: *behind the audience, waving a $50* Gooooo Shinigami! You're so sexy!  
Wing: Hey! This is syndicated TV, not the Playboy Channel! Knock that off!  
Girl in Audience: *waves around a $100* Here ya go, Shinigami-chan!  
Duo: *runs out stage to collect his money* Wow! I'm popular!  
Wing: *has head down* Uranus! Goten! Drag him backstage and get him dressed!  
Uranus and Goten: *backstage* We're playing poker with Heero, Wufei, and Zechs!  
Goten: *to Zechs* Go Fish!  
Zechs: You moron! This is _poker_!  
Goten: Oh yeah! Hehe! *does the Son Goku-hand-behind-head-while-grinning thing*  
Wing: If you want something done RIGHT....*grabs Duo's braid and drags him backstage, then comes back out* There! Get dressed!  
Duo: *backstage* Yeehaw! I got $1000!  
Wing: *sighs* Now that I took care of **that** problem, let's welcome our next guest, Chang Wufei, who had better be dressed 'cause I can't stand anymore of that kind of crap today!

Wufei comes out, completely dressed. Wing lets out a sigh of relief when she opens her eyes and sees a fully-clothed Wufei sitting down on stage.

Wing: So, uh, Wufei...you have a hidden talent?  
Wufei: Obviously, stupid onna, or else I wouldn't be here.  
Wing: No wonder I hate you...  
Wufei: And I share the same feeling for you, weak onna.  
Wing: *thinking* I'll show him what a 'weak onna' I am after the show! *outloud* What is this hidden or special talent you possess?  
Wufei: I'll show you! Microphone, please!

Sailoruranus and Goten bring out a microphone for the great Wufei. Wufei nods, turns to the camera, and grins like a madman. Wing takes a few steps back, completely afraid of what is about to happen next.

Wufei: I dedicate this to you, weak onna, and my weak onna Sally. *starts burping his ABC's*  
Wing: *when Wufei is finished* ...  
Audience: *gives Wufei a standing ovation*  
Someone in the Audience: Hey, Wu-man! Here's a $1000!  
Wufei: *gives the person a HY-style Death Glare* Maxwell! Damn you! *runs offstage and chases Duo all over the Crackhead Productions building*  
Wing: *sweatdrops* Uh...ok...that was...lovely, I suppose. Now, we have our next guest, Trowa Barton!

The audience claps wildly as Trowa enters the stage and takes a seat. Wing sighs, and silently prays that whatever Trowa wants to share with the world isn't nearly as...disgusting as Wufei's was...

Wing: So, Trowa, what special, wonderfully disgusting thing do you want to show us?  
Trowa: ....  
Wing: ...Well?  
Trowa: Anyone have any French Fries?  
Wing: French Fries? What the hell does THAT have to do with what you want to show us?  
Chibi: *runs onto stage with a box of McDonald's french fries* Here you go, Trowa!  
Trowa: Uh...thanks!  
Wing: Hey! Damnit! Those were MINE!  
Chibi: *sticks tongue out and runs offstage*  
Wing: Damn her! Anyways, please show us your trick, Trowa.  
Trowa: Um...ok...

Trowa takes a french fry and puts it into his mouth...

Wing: What the hell is so special about THAT?  
Chibi: *off camera* Watch!

Everyone leans in to watch Trowa's wonderful talent. Shortly, they see the french fry coming out of one of his nostrils. Wing turns around, finds a garbage can, and pukes into it. Everyone else in the audience is astounded, then once the french fry comes all the way out, they also give Trowa a standing ovation.

Wing: *while her head is still in the garbage can* How can you people ENJOY that crap?  
Trowa: You know, if I work hard enough at it, I can make it come out of another place...  
Wing: Kami-sama! *pukes some more*  
Chibi: *thinking* Yes! Everything is following the script! *outloud* Hey, onee-san, maybe you should stop drinking before you tape the show!  
Wing: *sticks head out of garbage can* You! You had something to do with this! DIE! *runs around chasing Chibi, then smashes head into the door just as it closes and Chibi makes her escape* I hate my life...  
Trowa: So, Wing, you didn't like it?  
Wing: Didn't like it? That's an understatement! That was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life! Get out of my sight! My opinion of you has just dropped exponentially!

Trowa walks off-stage, all heartbroken because Wing didn't like his hidden, special talent. (Trowa fans: Please don't hate me for that, you have to admit that was pretty sick...) Wing sighs, and gets cleaned up during the 'commerical break'...

[Commerical Break]

The Gundam pilots are at one of Relena's many parties...Heero, Trowa, and Duo spot the last piece  
of cheese...Trowa grabs for the cheese...  
Trowa's mommy: Triton Bloom! Don't you even touch that cheese! Leave it for someone else! *puts  
his hand back*  
Heero decides to go for it and reaches for the cheese...  
Doctor J: Heero Yuy! Leave that cheese right there! You weren't raised by wolves!   
Duo's mommy: Ahwoooooo! (wolf)   
Duo: Ok! *eats the cheese and walks off*  
Trowa's mommy and Doctor J: ANIMAL!  
Zechs: Behold the power of cheese!  
Later, we see Duo drinking out of the punch bowl like a dog...everyone drops their cups...   
(Used WITH PERMISSION from the Domain of Duo, Chibi's site...do not use without asking her, thank you and have a nice day.)

[End Commerical Break]

Wing: Hey! And welcome back to The Wingnut Show! Before the break, we showed you the...um...'special' talents of two of our favorite Gundam pilots! Now, let's welcome back the pilot of Sandrock himself, Quatre Raberba Winner!

Quatre walks out, blushing, and takes a seat...

Wing: So, Quatre, what disgusting talent do you have?  
Quatre: Well, I don't think it's *that* disgusting...  
Wing: *mutters* Isn't that what the last two said?  
Quatre: My fans might enjoy this too much...  
Wing: *raises an eyebrow, even though she's not a Quatre fan* What's your talent?  
Quatre: *blushes and smiles* Watch... 

Some really weird music starts playing as Sailoruranus and Goten take away the chairs and stuff from the stage. Quatre stands up, faces the audience, and starts stripping.

Wing: *after seeing Quatre's shirt ripped off and the pieces thrown to his fans* Kami-sama...he's...well-built...  
Chibi: Nah....Duo looks better...  
Wing: Quiet, you! What do you know?  
Chibi: You didn't look, so how do YOU know Duo can't compare to Quatre?  
Rabid Quatre Fan in the Audience: Take it *all* off, Quatre!  
Wing: Um, Quatre, please don't...we get the point! *sweatdrops*

The music stops playing, leaving a VERY red-faced Quatre standing onstage in his boxers, with nearly every girl in the audience drooling over him.

Wing: Well...um...thank you for sharing that very INTERESTING talent of yours with us, Quatre.  
Quatre: *faints*  
Rabid Quatre Fan: Ooooh, baby!  
Dorothy: *storms onstage, packing a gun* Keep away from him! He's MINE! *picks up Quatre and takes him backstage*  
Wing: ... Ok...now, let's see our next guest....Zechs Marquise!

Zechs comes out and takes a seat while several girls whistle and holler at him...

Zechs Fan: Hey, Zechs-chan! Are *you* gonna strip for us?  
Noin: *runs onstage* No! He only does THAT for **me**, got that?  
Zechs fan: Bitch...  
Noin: Slut!  
ZF: Trick!  
Noin: Whore!

With that, the Rabid Zechs Fan and Noin get into a fight. Wing pulls out most of her purplish-black hair and screams for Uranus and Goten to "get their asses on stage NOW". Her two security guards come out, and break up the fight. Goten takes Noin backstage, and Uranus uses her World Shaking attack and immediately kills the Rabid Zechs Fan.

Wing: Ah damn, that's not good. Oh well. *turns to Zechs* So, Zechs, what amazing talent do you want to share with us?  
Zechs: Hmm...well...  
Audience: *leans in*  
Wing: Well, damnit!?  
Zechs: I can juggle ten balls with my eyes closed!  
Wing: Finally! A talent that's NOT disgusting or too sexy! Show us!

Zechs grins, gets out a blindfold and put it on. Goten comes out and hands Zechs 10 small balls for him to juggle. Zechs stands up and starts juggling all ten balls, without dropping a single one of them. After about ten minutes of that, he stops and sits down. Again, the crazy audience and Wing gives him a standing ovation.

Wing: Wow! That was amazing, Zechs!  
Trowa: *runs onstage* Are you SURE you don't want a job in the circus?  
Zechs: ...No, I like working as a Preventer...  
Trowa: Please?

Zechs got annoyed with Trowa, so he decided to punch him out. (Again, sorry, Trowa fans! I'll have him do something evil to Zechs later...) Goten restrained Zechs as Uranus dragged poor Trowa backstage so the medics could have a look at him. Wing, who was starting to wish she hadn't signed up for the job of being the host of this show, again turned to face the camera and plastered a fake smile on her face.

Wing: Oh boy...that was interesting. Well, next on our um...'list', for use of a better word, is the Perfect Soldier himself! Gentlemen, and **especially** ladies, please welcome Heero Yuy!

As usual, the crowd goes wild at the sound of the 'Perfect Soldier's' name. Some girls in the audience faint when Heero starts walking on stage. Wing can even be seen by everyone in the nation drooling over the Ice Boy from Hell himself as he takes a seat. Chibi sprays Wing with some club soda to snap her out of it. The host nearly turns around to start chasing her partner in insanity, then remembers that she still has a show to host, and turns around.

Wing: Heh Heh...you gotta love siblings! Whatever would the world be like WITHOUT THE WONDERFUL LITTLE SPORES!?  
Trowa: *from backstage* A much better place! *gets hit by Catherine* What?  
Wing: ...Ok, that scares me. *turns to face Heero* So, Heero, what's your talent?  
Heero: I have two talents...the one that requires a bed...and the other one that doesn't!  
Wing: *turning a little green* Why don't you show us the talent that DOESN'T require a bed and Relena?  
Heero: ...I never said it required Relena, just a bed...  
Wing: X.x I don't think I want to know...so, What's your non-bed-requiring talent?  
Heero: Um...I can paint, and I'm a kickass sculptor!  
Wing: *jaw drops* YOU?  
Heero: ...yes...What the hell do you think I do in between missions?  
Wing: Must you ask?  
Heero: I'd really like to know...  
Wing: Profess your undying love for Wing?  
Heero: ...no...  
Wing: Ok...Uranus! Goten! Bring out the marble block!

The two named security guards are forced to haul in a two ton marble block. They place it onstage next to the 'Perfect-Soldier-turned-Sculptor'. Heero gets out a chisel and mallet from the same place he keeps his gun and starts chipping away at the block. Ten minutes later, we see a beautiful statue of...

Wing: Of Relena?!  
Heero: *turns around after beaming proudly at his latest achievement* Yes, Wing. You see, I'm in the middle of my "Relena phase" in my art life...  
Wing: RELENA PHASE?  
Heero: Yeah, kinda like Picasso went through different phases or stages during his career. The rose period, the blue period...  
Wing: Yes, I know, I'm not a complete moron. Thank you, Heero, for showing us your wonderful talent.  
Duo: *backstage* You think that's all he does? He has a bunch of Relena stuff in his room!  
Heero: Damn you, Duo! *runs backstage and beats the hell out of Duo*  
Wing: *sweatdrops* Oh boy, hehe...well, while Uranus and Goten are breaking up THAT fight, I think we need another commerical break! Cya in a bit!

[Another Commerical Break, again from the DoD...]

Wing's voiceover: How Heero Yuy eats a Reese's peanut butter cup...

We see Heero giving a Reese's peanut butter cup a Death Glare. Then, he whips out his gun...

Heero: Omae o korosu...*eats it*  
Wing's Voiceover: There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's!

[End Commerical Break]

Wing: And we're back! I hope you enjoy the messages from our sponsors, hehe! Now, here's our last Gundam pilot with a hidden/secret talent! Let's welcome the CLOTHED Duo Maxwell!

Duo comes out onstage, looking like crap since he got the crap beaten out of him by Heero. He turns his back to the audience, and moons them. (Yeah, a la Chibi Trunks from DBZ...)

Wing: *sweatdrops* Damnit! You aren't Trunks!  
Rabid Shinigami fans: Oooooooooooh! Ahhhhhhhhh!  
Chibi: You've got a nice ass, Shinigami-chan! *mutters* But not as nice as Trunks-kun's though!  
RSFs: What? 

Chibi and the RSFs get into a fight, and Wing doesn't even bother telling Uranus and Goten to break THAT one up, since they're working on it already...

Goten: Kamehameha!  
Uranus: World Shaking!  
ChibiChibi: Shimatta! Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss!  
Wing: I thought that was Sailormoon's attack...  
Chibi: *sticks tongue out* Alright then! SILVER MOON CRYSTAL POWER KISS! *kills all of the RSFs...X.x*  
Wing: That's *also* Sailormoon's attack...  
Chibi: Who do you think GAVE her the attack?  
Wing: *remembering all her Sailormoon knowledge* Oh yeah...sorry...Getting back to the show...Duo, what is YOUR special talent?  
Duo: I can sing!  
Wing: *jaw drops* You can WHAT?  
Chibi: He said he could sing!  
Wing: Thank you, Miss Duo's Echo!  
Chibi: No problem!  
Wing: *sighs* Ok, Duo, what do you want to sing for us?  
Duo: Hehe...MICROPHONE!

Uranus and Goten stagger out onto the stage, dragging a microphone behind them. They hand it to Duo, and pass out. (Having to deal with all those RSFs can really wear a person out, you know!) Duo gets the microphone, and music starts playing. (To the Shinigami fans, please forgive me...)

Duo: She's in to superstitions, Black cats and voodoo dolls! I feel a premonition, that girl's *looks at Chibi and winks* gonna make me fall!  
Chibi: *faints* Duo-chan sang to me!  
Wing: *covering her ears* Nice voice, crappy song choice! (Yeah! She's a poet, and I bet you didn't know it! :P)  
Duo: Livin' la vida loca!

When the horrible song is over, most of the audience has either busted eardrums or fainted because of seeing Duo. Wing, on the other hand, has been puking in a nearby garbage can. Duo looks at the audience, completely confused as to why they didn't like his song...

Duo: You didn't like my song or my singing?  
Audience: *revived* MORE! MORE!  
Wing: NO! Get off stage! Come back when you can sing a REAL song! *watches as Duo leaves the stage, crying* Christ...well, that's the end--  
Chibi: No! All five Gundam pilots have something they want to share!  
Wing: Didn't they just do that?  
Chibi: No! This is something different...  
Wing: Hmm...ok...bring out the G-boys!

All five Gundam pilots and their women (in the case of Trowa, his sister) come out on stage. Wing stands there, wondering what the hell they and Chibi have planned for today...

Wing: Well...What do you want to show us, guys?  
Trowa: We're going to be the next boy band!  
Wing: Oh god...and what do you plan on calling yourselves?

All five of the g-boys look at each other, then look back at Wing, wearing evil grins on their faces...

Together: The G-boyz!  
Wing: How creative...  
Heero: Yeah...and we even have a song we want to sing for you!  
Wing: You're joking, right?  
Duo: Nope!  
Wing: Ok...start singing!  
Duo: Alright, Heero...your cue!

Heero grabs the microphone and looks at the audience. The audience members that are still alive/conscious/have unbusted eardrums lean in and intently watch Heero. Heero smirks, then he signals to Relena to start playing the tape. The background music starts, then... (Again, forgive me...)

Together: Bye, bye, bye!  
Heero: I'm doing this tonight, I know I'm gonna start a fight, yeah  
Duo: I know this **can** be right, hey baby, come on!  
Trowa: I hated you endlessly  
Quatre: When you weren't there for me  
Wufei: *grinning* So, now it's time to kick some MS ass!  
Heero: I know that I can take some more  
Together: It ain't no lie!  
Duo: I really want ta kick your ass!  
Together: Baby, bye, bye, bye!  
Wing: Oh god! It's a messed up version of N'sync's song! What could be worse!

The audience is exposed to hearing this for a good four minutes...

Together: Bye bye!  
Heero: *high-pitched, annoying voice* Don't wanna be a fool for you...  
Duo: I just really wanna kick some ass!  
Wufei and Trowa: You may hate me, but it ain't no lie...  
Together: Baby, bye, bye, bye!

Wing fainted. All the crotch thursting and grabbing, as well as the annoying voices had finally gotten to her. Chibi was cheering and screaming along with the audience, begging for more...Fifteen minutes later...

Wing: Alright, now it's time for my "Wise Word of the Day." If you're a Gundam pilot, and you're sure your 'hidden' or 'secret talent' is going to scare the hell out of someone, please don't share it! 'Til next time, ja ne!

Insert crappy ending music....Backstage....

Wing: What the hell is the matter with you guys? Do you have ANY idea how much this is going to kill my ratings? Now I have to start looking for another job!  
Heero: Don't blame us, blame the script!  
Wing: What the hell is up with this 'script' thing!? CHIBI!  
Chibi: *holding phone* It's for you. I think it's Tomoe-kun, the Producer...  
Wing: *facefaults* Give me the damn phone...Moshi moshi? Tomoe-kun! You saw the tape of the show? *covers mouthpiece part of the phone* I'm screwed! *starts talking on the phone again* What? You...LIKED it? And the ratings? Off the charts again! Oh thank you, thank you, thank you! Yes! Chibi's working on the next show idea! Hai, hai, hai...ja ne, Tomoe-kun! *hangs up the phone*  
Trowa: I guess your ratings didn't go down the tube, as previously thought...  
Wing: Nope! Oh well...let's go celebrate!

Wing, Chibi, and the G-boys and girls go out somewhere and party. The whole time, Chibi is working on the next episode's idea, and the scripts she must give the Gundam Wing Group...

The end...or not? It depends on you, my friends...  
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Wing's notes: This is to hold you guys over until I get over my writer's block with 7th Grade Teacher?. No, we don't own Ricky Martin's or N'Sync's songs, so don't even TRY to sue me! You won't get a penny! Hehe...well, ja ne. I hope you enjoyed the insanity brought to you by me and Chibi!

Chibi's notes: Mwahaha....I'm still working on GWS: Part 6 and Relena **Can't** Cook! Part 3! Who says the ending parts aren't the best?

Like? No like? Let us know by reviewing! Or email [Chibi][1] or [Wing][2]!

   [1]: mailto:chibichibi@vauss.com
   [2]: mailto:wingnut@vauss.com



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